The day Casey and Rob have been waiting for has finally arrived! I just got home from dropping them off at camp until Friday afternoon. I don’t know how often Rob thinks about going to camp – he’s pretty easy-going – but Casey has been reminding me since we got home from our vacation.
I know Rob looks forward to camp. Friday, I told him he would be going today and he ran to his room, grabbed his cowboy hat and packed his swimming stuff. He was ready to go! Yesterday, when he saw his blankets washed and packed, he decided to pack his clothes, too. Socks, underwear and swimming clothes. That’s all. I asked if he thought he might need some shirts and pants, but he didn’t seem too worried about it. It took us about 3 minutes to get his clothes ready.
Casey, on the other hand, has to think about things. It took her almost 10 minutes to decide which socks to take. (I know this is an important decision, but still! 🙂 ) She didn’t care about what shorts she took, but everything else was a big thought. I always write their names on their things before we leave home and when I sat down to write Casey’s name in her shirts, I discovered her name was already in all of them. She remembered what shirts she took last year and took the same ones. Anyone else remember what they wore a year ago? I’m not sure I know what I had on yesterday!
They were so ready to leave. I’ll admit – I always have second thoughts about them going to camp. I love the camp and the staff and the volunteers, but it’s hard to be without them for a week. I’m so grateful for the break and I know they are safe, but it’s still hard to say goodbye. Rob leaned on me for a second or two but really didn’t care that I was leaving. Casey smiled her sweet smile and told me “barn? animals?” I had to remind her not to leave her group! She was NOT allowed to go to the barn alone! (She has made this little side trip twice – Mom is not happy with her!) She gave me a hug and told me bye and went off with her counselor.
It’s hard for another reason. This week of camp is for young adults with disabilities. Some have Down’s Syndrome. Some have autism. Some are in wheelchairs – all types of young people and they are all happy to be there. It’s hard for me to listen to the other campers excitedly say hi to their friends they haven’t seen since last year.
They yell hi to their counselors and talk to each other happily. And I see Rob off by himself grinding crayons and Casey sitting in a chair. They are both happy and doing what they want – I know that. But – it’s hard. I wish they were able to join in. I wish Casey was giving a “shoulder hug” to someone from last year. I wish Rob was talking about Power Rangers or the Wizard of Oz with someone. I wish I knew if they even cared that they aren’t interacting as much as the other campers.
There are so many things I wish I knew – just like every other autism parent. Maybe someday, I’ll know the answers. Maybe someday, Rob will talk to his counselors as he grinds crayons or rips cardboard. Maybe someday, Casey will be excited to see girls from the year before.
For now, I’ll keep wondering and worrying. I have the schedule for the week. I see swimming every day – Rob will love that. I see a talent show – Casey will love that. (I wonder what she will sing – I know she will want to be in it!) There is a campfire one night and an outdoor movie – both things they enjoy. I know that Friday, they will both run to see me (actually, Casey runs TO me – Rob runs BY me! :)) and they will be happy to be home. And I’ll be happy, too.
Because no matter where they are, I’m first a mom and it’s hard to be just me sometimes. I haven’t made many plans for the week. Shopping with Mandy. Maybe a casino. Writing. Playing with Blue. Eating a hot meal or two. Going to bed when I’m tired instead of when they sleep. 🙂 Simple things – but those are the things that truly make me happy! 🙂 🙂