Last Monday, Rob pointed to his cheek and said, “Hurts!” I was worried because he has such a high tolerance for pain that if he says something hurts, a typical person probably would have been crying about it days before. But, I couldn’t get him to tell me what hurts – whether it was inside his mouth or his cheek. He ate supper and didn’t mention it again that evening.
Tuesday morning, he got up and again said, “Hurts” pointing inside his mouth this time. I asked if it was his cheek or throat or a tooth, but he just kept repeating “Hurts.” He didn’t have a fever and was eating, so I was worried, but not panicked, yet. I did call his neurologist to get advice on where to take him to the dentist, if it turned out to be a tooth. I looked in his mouth, but couldn’t see anything obviously wrong. Because his allergies had been bothering him, I almost thought maybe it was sinus pressure. (My teeth ache at times from that).
When he got home that day, he was hurting. Obviously hurting and he could finally tell me it was a tooth and he pointed to it. I felt terrible for not calling the dentist that day and did what I could for him that evening. He was still eating without issue, but he told me “hurts” repeatedly through the evening and was asleep early. I cried. I just couldn’t help him and I felt so guilty for not making more calls that day. (But, again – I wasn’t sure what the problem was – he didn’t tell me tooth until late in the day.)
Wednesday, he wanted to go to day hab with Casey, even though I wanted him to stay home so I could keep an eye on him. As soon as dentist’s offices opened, I started making calls and it wasn’t long before I was ready to cry again. I couldn’t find anyone to even look at him – that would even try to help us. I was told they weren’t trained for these types of people – that they didn’t think they could help him – that I needed to find someone who “knew” autism. I finally found a place that was two hours from home that would happily look at him – but they wouldn’t take his insurance. I told her I would happily self pay just to get him some relief, but she told me they couldn’t do that.
After many, many calls, I finally found a place only 45 minutes from home that said they would be happy to see him and made an appointment for early the next morning. I had a good cry when I got off the phone – finally, someone who cared enough to at least try! I had no doubt that Rob would be difficult, but we needed help. I wanted to call those other people back and say, “What about helping people? isn’t this why you became a dentist??” but I didn’t.
I worried all evening about how Rob would react to a new place, a new doctor and new experience. He was in so much pain, he didn’t even make a fuss when Casey left without him. When we got to the office, I told him I would get him construction paper as soon as we were done if he would let the dentist see his tooth.
Rob walked in so calmly. When the tech called his name, he jumped right up and followed her. When we got to the cubicle, he sat right down in the chair, looked at the tech, said “Hurts” and opened his mouth to point at the tooth. I was in shock, but so happy! She asked him if she could take an x-ray of his mouth and again, he got right up and followed her. Once he understand what he had to do (bite down and hold still) he was perfect. The x-ray showed a broken tooth. Our choices were a root canal or pull it and I told her it just needed to come out.
He went back to the cubicle and sat down. When the dentist came in, he opened his mouth and showed him the tooth. The dentist talked to Rob, not me (that was so awesome of him!), and Rob let him put a temporary filling in with no issue. (The only problem came when some of the filling stuff was on his tongue and the dentist told him to stick out his tongue and he looked at me to see if that was okay. 🙂 ) They gave him antibiotics and he goes back in two weeks to see if he will let them pull it. If he won’t let them, an appointment with a specialist will be made and that tooth and his wisdom teeth will all come out under sedation. The office we went to will use nitrous gas next time and see if that will relax him enough to pull it.
When we left, I was in tears – again. I kept telling him how proud I was – that he did so awesome. He looked at me like I was crazy (again) and reminded me I promised construction paper. We found a store and he chose three big packs, plus two new books. I don’t care if I over did it. I am so proud at how he handled it all! I have hopes that he will let the dentist do what needs done the next time, too, but pulling a tooth is much scarier that having x-rays, so we’ll see.
This was a huge reminder that we never know what our kids are capable of until we let them try! Never in a million years would I have dreamed he would be so cooperative (I have many terrible memories of taking him to the dentist as a child – I’m sure everyone in the building heard his screams). Let your kids try! The worst that can happen is you will have to leave and try again another time. Who cares if they cry? or scream? Don’t worry about what other people think.
If I had one wish from all of this, it would be to all of the doctor’s and dentist’s and other medical people – please, please… don’t ignore us. We need help and every time one of you turns us away, it’s like another knife to our heart. We know our kids need extra help. We know it may be a terrible experience for you – but we need help as much as everyone else. Welcome us. Tell us you will try. Even if we have to go somewhere else, at least we know you care enough about our child to try and help. That little effort means so much. Don’t turn us away before you try.