How to Talk about Scary Subjects with a Person with Autism

Let me say first that I am not one of the people who bought 100 rolls of toilet paper and 50 bottles of hand sanitizer. But, I am one of the people concerned about the virus that seems to be sweeping across the world. (not in a totally paranoid way, but it is affecting us.)

I’ll admit – I was one who kind of laughed at the whole thing when it first started. It was a virus, for Pete’s sake, and it seemed influenza was harder on people. As more information has been shared, my biggest concern has been what to tell Casey and Rob. I am a firm believer that, even if a person with autism doesn’t speak, they DO hear you and what they hear may be scary – especially when they can’t ask questions about what they have heard.

The first hurdle was earlier last week (and really – we should have been more prepared as a week that has a time change, a full moon and Friday the 13th just isn’t going to end well, right? 🙂 ) Anyway, Casey and Rob participate in a track and field event put on by the Kiwanis in our area. Casey loves it – Rob seems to enjoy parts of it, but they both look forward to ribbons and getting a treat on the way home with me. Tuesday, it was cancelled, due to the virus threat. Rob didn’t seem too concerned.

Casey, however, was confused. She was okay with writing “cancel” on her calendar, but she didn’t understand why. I told her that people were getting sick and that Toby didn’t want her to get sick again like she was last month. She seemed to accept that – until she frowned and said “Toby sick.” So she didn’t quite get it, but she understood it was cancelled.

As the week wore on, more details came out and people went crazy in the stores here. I still have no idea why toilet paper was such a hot item – I would think food would be a concern, too? Anyway – the kids heard people talking about getting sick. Rob couldn’t vocalize his concerns and Casey struggled. She wanted to know if people needed a bucket to throw up in. She wanted them to go to Dr. Myers and get pink medicine. She wanted them to drink Sprite. I tried to explain that Dr. Myers couldn’t make everyone well (How dare I suggest such a thing? My kids think he is a miracle worker! 🙂 ).

My preschool closed for three weeks. So far, their day hab is staying open, but I’m not sure whether they should go or not. I need to protect not only them, but the people around them. It’s a tough decision and one I still can’t wrap my thoughts around. For now, they will be going tomorrow. I don’t want to scare them by keeping them home, but I also don’t want anyone to get sick. Especially this group – and my kids can’t tell me if they aren’t feeling well.

I feel for those of you with picky eaters who can’t find the few foods your child will eat. While Rob is picky, there is a wide variety of things he will eat, so that shouldn’t be a problem for us. Please remember other people’s needs as you shop for your family! And the change in routine is very difficult for our people with autism. Prepare for meltdowns. This is not the time to try new things or make huge demands. Everyone will be happier if you just relax and try to look at the bright side.

When it’s time to talk to your children about the virus, think about these tips:

  1. Always tell the truth! You aren’t protecting your child by lying – especially when they are hearing things from other people. You don’t need to share a lot of details – just say that you are staying home for a while to keep from getting sick. Use social stories if you need to.
  2. Be ready for questions and answer them simply. Tell them it’s like a bad cold and that you will be right there with them if they happen to get sick.
  3. Make the change in routine seem exciting! More time for favorite movies! Time to make crafts and read books. Time to play outside. More time for iPads, Legos and model trains. More time for Sesame Street and color by numbers. I know the change in routine will be tough if you need to quarantine – just take a deep breath and know everyone else is in the same boat.
  4. Explain why they have to wash their hands so often – and make a game out of washing them. Let them make bubbles and squish them. Sing goofy songs to make sure they are washing their hands long enough. (I made Casey and Rob use hand sanitizer after we left stores yesterday and to wash their hands as soon as they got home. They thought I was nuts. 🙂 )
  5. Assure them that you have taken precautions and have enough food. (I’ve heard some crazy stories – I’m sure my kids have, too.) Lay those fears to rest. Share everything you have done to keep them safe. Again, even if your child can’t talk, they are hearing and they may be scared. Talk to them!
  6. Don’t let your kids see your stress. Easier said than done, I know, but if they see you are scared, it will scare them more.

I pray this is over quickly and that you all stay healthy. It won’t be easy, but it will be what you make of it. Plan to relax and enjoy the extra time with your child. Put on headphones if they want to watch the same movie for the 1,000th time. 🙂 Right now, my biggest concern is Casey’s birthday coming. I really don’t want to have to tell her we can’t go get McDonald’s for supper or that we can’t get her favorite doughnuts for breakfast that day. 🙁 But – if we have to, we’ll make it through. Stay safe everyone! 🙂