Today, I saw more proof that no one should ever give up hope when their child has autism. While I would never say that every child with autism will progress in the same way, there are always improvements – sometimes, so tiny that you can barely see them, but they do happen. And maybe they won’t happen in the time frame you want, but things can change quickly.
Casey wanted to go to the Memorial day parade in our town this morning. I was going to cover it for our local paper, so it was no big deal to go. Rob said “no fanks” when I asked if he wanted to go. He went last year and watched it, but I can’t say he really enjoyed it. Besides, it was hot today! So he went to Grandma and Grandpa’s house and Casey came with me.
As soon as we sat our chairs down, she started giggling and rocking. She was so excited! It made me remember her as a little girl and how impossible parades were. Mandy always wanted to go and Rob would sit beside her and watch, but Casey wouldn’t sit. And if I tried to hold her on my lap, she yelled and screamed. I couldn’t trust her to sit by herself at all because she would dart away – into the street or to grab someone’s drink/food. We didn’t go to many parades.
When the parade got to us today, I stood up to take pictures. As the American flag made its way to us, I turned to tell her to stand up – and she already was! With her hand over her heart! I looked around to see who she might be mimicking, but there wasn’t anyone with their hand over their heart. I couldn’t help it – I got choked up. She remembered the many times I told her to stand for the flag!
We settled down to watch the rest of the parade and she laughed her way through it. Even when candy was thrown from vehicles, she never made an effort to get up and get it. When the parade was over, we walked to the Court Square for the ceremony. Here was where I was concerned. I knew she would probably sit for a little while, but how quietly, I didn’t know. She might add her own sound effects to the ceremony. Or everyone would hear her announce she had to go potty or she was hungry.
Instead, when the announcer asked people to stand for the invocation, she was on her feet, her hands clasped under her chin and her head bowed. (I had no idea she even knew what invocation meant – we always say pray.) When the prayer was over, she loudly said amen and grinned at me. When the National Anthem started, she spun around to look at the flag (still standing) and started singing loudly. She and I were among the few to be singing – and the others I heard all had disabilities, too. (Why don’t people sing the anthem??) When the Pledge of Allegiance was said, she stood and proudly recited it, too.
I was crying. This amazing young woman was proudly honoring her country! She remembered what to do and never had to be reminded. Even later, when Taps was played, she stood and listened quietly. She stood when she felt it was the right thing to do – she didn’t look around and see what others were doing. All I could do was hug her and tell her how proud I was. (She, of course, looked at me like I was crazy – she had no idea why her actions made me proud.)
This is the same little girl who used to fight about going into stores – the assault on her senses was too great. She screamed when I left the room because she didn’t know if I had disappeared. She beat her head on cement walls and put her head through two windows. She ran from me – she ran from teachers. She screamed when things changed her routine. When in to the middle of a meltdown, she grabbed my hands to try and make me hit her head. (sensory issues – she desperately need deep pressure – it took me years to figure that one out!)
I am not telling you any of that so you feel sorry for her. I’m telling you so you can see that every child, no matter what behaviors they have, can improve! You have to keep your faith and hope, even when you spend your days crying from exhaustion and going on 2-3 hours of sleep a night. Trust me – I know exactly how you feel! Please, please – never give up on your child. Dark days do go away (and yes, sometimes, they come back – but they always leave again!)
Casey’s changes didn’t occur in my time frame (otherwise, she would have been having days like today when she was 8!) but it did happen. She grew up – I learned how to help her. Keep working with your child – keep fighting for services – keep your faith!