One of the worst things an autism parent can do is focus too much on the future. By that, I mean that you get yourself too scared of the “what ifs” to really see the small steps your child is making every day.
Life is too overwhelming if you focus too much on what your child needs – there is so much! Obviously, you are always aware of those needs and they are never far from your mind, but you can’t live your life that way.
You need to stay present to help your child. For example, if your child is having a meltdown, don’t start thinking of a future full of screams and kicking. Take slow deep breaths and only focus on the next minute. Get through that one and think of the next. If you start thinking this will be your life forever, you will have a meltdown, too.
When we are having a bad day, I forget about everything. All I think about is getting us through that day. Tomorrow will take care of itself. You can’t help your child through a bad time if you are thinking of tomorrow or next week or next month.
After your child calms down is soon enough to think about what needs done to prevent it from happening again. Do you need to schedule a doctor visit? Adjust medications? Talk to the teacher? One small step at a time.
Yes – you want to dream and have hopes for your child – always! But thinking too far in the future during a bad time will only make you think you are dreaming too high. Some days, your focus simply needs to be to take that next deep breath.
It’s the same with the endless paperwork. If you feel overwhelmed by it, you might not even start. So tell yourself you will only do one page and stop. When you break it all down into very small steps, you get it done without losing your mind. (By the way… When you fill out forms, make a copy. It’s do much easier the next time when you have all the information right there!)
Yes, plan for the future, but keep your plans fluid. Every day, your child will change and plans may need to reflect that. Just don’t let the future turn into a black hole. When you are having a rough time, stop thinking too far.
Remind yourself all you have to do is breathe. The next minute will take care of itself.