Autism and Colorful Traditions

The house is decorated. A cookie baking day is planned. Most of the shopping is done and I’m in the process of making my Christmas cards. It’s time to sit back, relax and enjoy the pretty tree lights. And, time to think about how autism makes our Christmas different – and to celebrate those differences!

I saw pictures this morning of my cousin, Judy’s, house. It’s absolutely beautiful. Everything is coordinated and perfectly laid out. It’s the Christmas home of my dreams. I saw pictures that another friend had posted on Facebook of two beautiful trees. (By the way, I want to see both houses in person! So beautiful!)

I’m not saying our trees aren’t beautiful, because they are – to us. I decided this year to do both trees in the dining room bright colored and keep all the decorations in there the same. It mostly worked out that way – until Casey insisted that I change the table runner because she wanted our usual place mats. It’s not a big deal, but… It’s not what I wanted. 🙂

Casey and Rob like the house to be decorated the same every year. Some things can change, but others can’t. The picture with this post shows one thing that Rob insists on. Many, many years ago, he got this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle in a McDonald’s happy meal and decided that Baby Jesus needed a very special guard. Every year since then, there’s the turtle. This year, when I put the nativity out, I tucked the turtle in the stable (cause – hey – he’s still guarding the baby, right??). Yeah…. nope. As soon as Rob saw the nativity without the turtle, he started rocking and knocked poor Joseph over in his hurry to rescue the turtle and place him properly. And he checks every time he walks by to be sure I didn’t hide him again.

Casey has already started checking things off in her mind that have to be done as part of Christmas. She attended a performance of The Nutcracker yesterday with my mom and dad. My niece, Anna, was the Snow Queen (and other parts) and Casey said she was pretty and she danced fast. 🙂 And that she went to Steak and Shake for supper. We went to the Christmas parade and waved to Santa.

Casey will start reminding me she needs to go shopping and that we need to go somewhere to look at lights and we need to go to a dance and wrap presents and… The list goes on. Rob enjoys those things, too, but he takes it as it comes. He’s not pushy. 🙂

The tree in Casey’s room is all blue and purple ornaments, plus a few that she made or received (I have no idea what the criteria is for an ornament to be allowed on that tree – I tried to give her more and she strongly said NO!) Rob’s tree still has the unbreakable satin ornaments that he has used since he was a little boy. I found the cutest ornaments for him, but he refused them. Even his Wizard of Oz ornaments can’t be on that tree. (frankly, that little tree has seen better days, but when I brought a new tree in for him to use, he ran to the basement to get “his” tree.) It’s a sad little tree, but he is so happy with it! And that’s truly all that matters.

Our Christmas CDs are in the car (Toby Keith and Alabama are their preferred ones) and Casey will remind me when we leave later that it’s December and time for that music. (She has also reminded me 8 – 10 times that today is Tracie’s birthday! 🙂 ) She has Christmas sweatshirts ready to wear all month (but not on Christmas Day… she often has socks for a different holiday on that day, too! :0 ).

The presents they want from Santa are different than most people would imagine, but that’s okay. Santa knows what they really want. Please be careful when you talk about Santa around people with special needs. Casey is an adult, but she still believes in him. I am always very careful and if someone says something, I always make up a story so that belief isn’t ruined. Rob will talk about Santa, but he always has this look when he does. I’m not sure he believes, but he won’t ruin it for Casey. (We saw the Easter Bunny in the mall last spring. She ran up to him and swayed back and forth as she smiled. Rob looked at me and said “man” and grinned.)

Rob will find index cards and playing cards under the tree and a huge box of crayons. Casey will be the proud keeper of yet another Grover, Big Bird, Ernie and Bert. There won’t be any fancy gadgets or expensive clothes. There won’t be gift cards or jewelry. There will be coloring books, Legos, signs, Sesame Street DVDs and other toys. There won’t be many smiles, as both of them are very serious Christmas morning. The happy giggles come later and that’s okay, too. I know they are happy, even if they can’t tell me. Christmas magic is truly the best!

We may do Christmas differently, but that doesn’t change the love and magic of the season! We don’t go to a lot of parties. We don’t run ourselves ragged trying to do it all. We don’t spend more than we have to impress others. We spend lots of evenings in a dark living room with just the tree lights on and watching Christmas cartoons or movies. (Home Alone is their favorite!) We don’t overeat and we try to keep the same schedule as always. We all function better when our schedule stays close to usual. And we are happier with plenty of sleep! 🙂

Please, try to keep your routine as normal as possible. Your child (and you, I’m betting!) needs this. When you do attend an event, plan for what your child needs and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. Start your own Christmas traditions and let go of what you imagine Christmas is supposed to look like. Decorate with Ninja Turtles and mixed up colors. Wear Halloween socks and Easter shirts (yep – that happened one year!). Include your child in whatever they are interested in but don’t take it personally if they don’t care about baking perfect cookies or wrapping the presents in matching paper.

Your child will enjoy Christmas on his or her own terms. You can’t make them enjoy the same things you do (do you enjoy everything everyone else does??). Let your child join in where they are comfortable and follow their lead for your traditions. You will all have a more relaxed and memorable Christmas!