I made a meme that said this last year – only I finished it with “you don’t have to yell.” Today, my thoughts are with the irritating people who say the dumbest, unkind things to the kids without thinking. This happened yesterday and Mama Bear came very close to ripping into someone outside of a store.
Tracie and I took the kids on a long hike yesterday. We walked over seven miles, with Rob and Casey in the lead most of the time. After our walk, we had supper and stopped at a store so Rob could spend his birthday money on signs and Casey could get a coloring book.
As we left the store, we ran into someone the kids know well. After Casey shared we had been hiking and I said how far we had gone, this person tapped Rob and said he was shocked we got him to move… implying he is lazy.
Let me tell you – it was all I could do not to lay that person out right there. I loudly told him how much Rob loves to walk and that we have to keep up with him. Then I said we had to go and we walked away with me muttering under my breath to Tracie.
How could he say that? Rob is not deaf or stupid. He understands everything that is said around him and he was hurt. I wish you could have seen the look in his eyes. This was someone he used to look up to – to have fun with and he hurt Rob.
Why do people do that? Why do they assume if someone doesn’t talk much that they can’t hear? Or if people with autism don’t show much emotion that they can’t be hurt?
I get it – people say things without thinking sometimes, but they apologize when they realize what they said. I’ve done it and I say I’m sorry. But, when you are talking to someone with autism, you need to be more careful!
Rob had a hard time letting go of what was said to him. Later last night, he leaned his head on me and said “Robbie good boy?” I gave him a big hug and told him he is always a good guy and to not listen to what others say. He held on to me for a few minutes before he went back to his iPad. I could feel the anger building again. I just wanted to smack that person.
I know Casey and Rob are always listening to what I’m saying. They may not look like they are paying any attention, but they are. At times, I swear they can read my mind – they seem to know about things that I am sure I never mentioned near them. I’m sure I thought I was whispering or that they couldn’t hear me over the shower running, but I guess I’m wrong.
Even if your child isn’t looking at you or even seem to know you are near, they do know! They are listening to you, even when they can’t acknowledge what you are saying or doing. Please, be careful what you say. Your words can hurt. And they may not be able to tell you they are hurt and need reassurance. That scares me – I never want Casey or Rob to think they are anything less than amazing and that they are exactly as God wants them to be.
I try to explain to them that people say things they don’t mean at times, but the kids are so literal and only communicate what is needed. They just can’t understand that other people aren’t like them. They don’t understand sarcasm. I don’t know why they have to understand when someone is mean – why can’t that be something they don’t know? Honestly, I think it’s more the feelings they sense, more than the words that are said. Either way – it hurts them and infuriates me.
Choose your words carefully and don’t be afraid to stand up to people who don’t talk kindly to your children. Let your inner Mama (or Papa or Grandma or Grandpa!) Bear come out and straighten them out. If they don’t like being told how to talk to your kids, tough. Your children are more important than anyone else!