Several weeks ago, I was asked why I chose to be Casey and Rob’s guardian and what exactly that meant for them. I meant to write this that week, but… I forgot. So, here goes.
Please remember that every state (and sometimes, every county) has different laws about guardianship. Do not take our path as the legal answers you want – you need to talk to a lawyer in your area who specializes in family law. It may be hard to find one, but this is not a decision you want to make lightly. Spend time finding the best lawyer for your needs.
A guardian is someone who is approved by the court to make medical and financial decisions for someone with a disability (or an elderly person who may need help). That’s the simple definition. You can be a guardian for the person (medical), the estate (financial) or both. I am both for Casey and Rob. There has never been a doubt that they would both need a guardian when they reached 18, as neither of them understands money enough to make decisions, nor can they make health decisions.
Remember – when your child reaches 18 (or graduates – it’s different everywhere, so be sure to find out the law in your state) you can no longer make any decisions for them. You can’t legally call your child’s doctor and ask a question. You can’t ask a pharmacist about your child’s medications. You can’t talk to their health insurance company. You can’t talk to Social Security, a bank. You might as well be a stranger trying to get information.
Now here’s the tricky part – trying to decide if your child needs a guardian. For some, they may only need a guardian to help them make medical decisions – when to go to doctor, what medicines to take, etc. For others, they may need a financial guardianship to protect their assets and pay bills on time.
It’s sad to say, but thousands of people with disabilities have been scammed because they had control over their money. They may be tricked into signing documents giving away property or money.
Deciding to be your child’s guardian can be a tough choice. As a parent, you want to give them all the freedom of being an adult, but you also want them to be safe. It’s truly a fine line for some parents to walk. I’ll admit – it’s easier for me, as Casey and Rob don’t seem to wonder why Mandy got to do things that they never did.
They look at home as their safe place and to me for their needs. They have only been able to tell me they need a doctor in the last few years and don’t know their medications or why they take them. (They do both know the medications make them feel better, tho.)
They understand the idea of money – that they need it to buy what they want. Rob seems a little more aware of the values on dollar bills than Casey, but he doesn’t care. He just wants to buy his cards or his snack mix.
The hard part of guardianship is that, even though you can make medical and financial decisions, you can’t make personal choices for them. I can’t tell Casey and Rob they aren’t allowed to smoke or drink or steal. I can advise them not to, but I can’t forbid it. That goes against their rights.
I can’t tell them to stop eating junk food or to go to bed or what to buy or who to be friends with. Those are parental decisions – and you are a guardian. Confusing? Yes.
If you decide to become a guardian, visit the probate court in your county and get their advice. Remember, laws are different every where. I used the same lawyer for both Casey and Rob.
For Casey, I had to have a background check and be bonded (insurance so if I decided to run away with all of her money, she could get it back). She had to go to court with me and meet the judge. I then had to keep a list of what she spent her money on and send it to the court at the end of the year.
Things were different for Rob. We had a different judge. Someone from the court met with Rob for an interview so he wouldn’t have to go to court. (The interview went something like this “hi Rob, can I ask you a few questions?” His response? “No thanks” as he left the room. 😊)
This judge also redid Casey’s file so I didn’t have to be bonded anymore or keep track of her money. (I do still keep records, just in case, but I’m not as paranoid about it.) Each December, I have to file a guardian’s report with the court and I gave to take a three hour continuing ed course every summer.
Guardianship is tricky, but very necessary at times. You are the best judge of what your child needs, but you may have to prove guardianship is needed to your county probate court. It’s not an easy decision to make.