Sensory Issues and Autism – Picky Eaters and the Same Clothes!

A few weeks ago, our county board of developmental disabilities held their prom.  Casey and Rob look forward to all of the dances that are held, but the prom is special – at least to Casey.

She loves the idea of dress shopping, getting her hair and make-up done and taking hundreds of pictures.  She insists on posing the same way every year (and not just for prom pictures – I have many, many years of Easter, birthday and Christmas pictures that look suspiciously alike!) and will always ask for more if I ask her if she thinks we have enough pictures.

Rob, on the other hand, enjoys going to the dances, but dislikes new clothes or posing for pictures, most of the time.  He’ll stand, but I have to be quick with the camera.  This year, there are several pictures of him dancing out of the way as the camera snapped.  I don’t try to dress him up, but I do make him put a “nice” shirt on, for a while.

Rob lives in muscle shirts and wind pants.  I have to buy super-soft t-shirts and cut the sleeves out of them.  I can’t even remember when the sleeveless part started, but I suppose I could look back at old pictures to see.  He used to wear t-shirts and jeans, but now, even the jeans are gone.

I’m sure it’s all sensory issues for him.  He does get warm easily – even in the winter, he is wearing the same shirts.  Even knowing it’s sensory, though, it’s hard to handle at times. We don’t buy him any shirts without planning to cut the sleeves.  He likes graphic t-shirts, especially ones with cars that Cory likes or other trademark items, like Coca-Cola.  I would love to see him in a pair of jeans (the last time he had jeans on was Mandy and Cory’s wedding – almost 6 years ago!) and nice shirt.

But, it’s not worth the stress to him.  Even if the shirt is super-soft, there is something that makes him uncomfortable.  With his anxiety, it’s just silly to add to that so I can see him in a shirt with sleeves.  His happiness is more important than a stupid shirt.

The sad thing is, there are people out there that judge him for what he wears.  Or they feel that I need to make him wear “normal” clothes (as I sit here at 4 in the afternoon wearing PJ pants while I write!).  I’m definitely not the mom who insists on deciding what my kids wear.  I  never was.  Don’t sweat the small stuff, you know.

And maybe that’s something as an autism parent you need to think about.  Does it really matter if your child is wearing the same blue shirt every day?  Buy several of them, wash them and let your child be happy.  Some would say I’m feeding into an obsession and that may be.  Only you can decide if your child’s need is an obsession or a sensory need.

If it is a sensory need, you need to be understanding.  Just because you would get tired of wearing the same thing, doesn’t mean your child will.  If you think it’s becoming an obsession, you will need to work on loosening the hold.  Honestly, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is often part of autism.  Rob’s OCD flares when his anxiety is out of control, which feeds the obsessive drive, which feeds the anxiety and around and around we go on a not-fun autism merry-go-round.

I know many people are anti-medication, but for Rob, his anxiety meds are a life-saver.  He doesn’t know the name of the pills, but he does know he feels better with them.  When he feels calmer, we can work on other sensory issues.

He is a picky-eater.  Anything that is gooey, like Jell-O or pudding, will never touch his lips.  He loves mashed potatoes, but only without gravy.  I can proudly say that he is finally able to taste new things!  It took years and I never forced him to finish anything that he gagged on, but he still refused to try.  About 2 years ago, he started trying and I have no idea why.  Maybe his anxiety was calm enough or maybe he just matured. I’ll probably never know why.

Now, when we have a food he doesn’t usually eat, I put a small (and I mean, really teenie tiny!) piece on his plate.  While he is eating, I ask him to try a lick.  He is to the point that he doesn’t usually fight me, but tries the food.  I won’t say he likes most of what he tries, but he is trying and I’m so excited for him!  Small, baby steps are still progress, you know.

If you have a picky-eater, you will understand this, but few others do.  Have you ever had to make a special stop at a store because that is the only store that sells the certain brand of the food your child will eat?  Rob loves pretzels – but will only eat 3 brands.  And only the small midgets of 2 of those brands and the long rods of another!  We even discovered that Mandy can have the brand he loves at her house, but he won’t eat them there.  So I guess there are certain things that can only be eaten at certain places.  Another unwritten rule of autism for the Jones house!

Sensory issues are a difficult part of living with autism.  I was lucky because both of mine would leave their clothes on.  I know some kids are so sensitive that any clothes are painful for them. I feel for those parents.  I wish I knew a magic trick that would help, but unfortunately, I don’t.  Stay patient and try to laugh it off.  I used to work with a little girl who could rip her clothes off in a few seconds and a few weeks ago, I saw a picture of her dressed like a typical teenager with a huge smile on her face.  Your child may just need maturity to learn how to manage their sensory issues.

Just remember that the more stressed you get, the more upset your child will be.  Remember that they can often “read” others and you don’t want to be part of the problem.  I know there are times when nice clothes are expected, but would you rather have a nicely dressed, screaming child (who may yank everything off!) or a calm, happy child dressed in his/her favorite clothes?  I usually chose the happy child.  And if there was an event when he needed to be dressed up, I made it as short as possible.  For Mandy’s wedding, he only wore his nice shirt for pictures.  Same goes for prom.

Take a look at the picture with this post.  Rob is wearing a striped t-shirt – with sleeves!  He asked for his black t-shirt many times, but he left this one on.  He even danced a little at the prom wearing it!   He would have worn it all evening, a little stressed, yes, but he would have left it on, had he not looked in my bag and saw his trusty black t-shirt tucked in there.   What can I say?  I’m a mom – an autism mom – and moms are always prepared!  He was thrilled to have it on and we all had a great time dancing the night away.

I know you are tired of fixing the same foods (I’m sick of packing his lunch – only certain things can be in his lunchbox!) and washing the same clothes.  I am, too, and so is every other autism parent.  I’m tired of making sure that his “sets” of clothes are always washed together (he wants his black pants with his Coke shirt, etc.) and I’m tired of only seeing him in those 5 or 6 shirts.  But – I’ll never get tired of seeing him happy and relaxed and isn’t that what every parent really wants for their child?