Anxiety in autism is very common. Rob is especially prone to anxious moments while Casey doesn’t. When he gets anxious, he gets loud. And I mean a loud that you can’t understand unless you live with it. I love him more than he knows, but sometimes, it takes all I have not to scream in my pillow.
Poor Rob. I know he can’t help it. He is really sensitive to new weather patterns and a drop in the barometer is likely to bring a lot of stress to him. We joke that he is better at predicting the weather than anyone who uses a computer model. When the kids were in school, we had a small coat rack in the dining room for their backpacks. Through the week, the backpacks hung there every night. On the weekend, they hung in their bedrooms.
We always knew when a snowstorm was coming because Rob would put his backpack in his room instead of on the coat rack when he knew they would have a snow day the next day. He was wrong only once in his entire school experience – and that was a flood, not a storm. We still have people who text or message me asking what Rob says about the weather.
Summer storms are no different. If Rob gets loud, or keeps looking at the dining room window, I know something is coming. More than once, he has asked to shut the windows and I’ll tell him no, only to have the rain start within minutes. I don’t know how he does it – only that he feels it coming. Rain or snow – it doesn’t matter.
This week, his anxiety reached a higher level when our van needed work done on it. When he gets anxious, he can repeat things. And when I say repeat, I mean he may say the same thing 15 – 20 times a minute. “Get the van” became his phrase and it continued. Our conversation was repeated over and over. “Get the van.” “It’s broke, Rob. We’ll get it later.” “Get the van.” “Later, Rob.” “Get the van.” “Later, Rob, it’s broke.” “Get the van.” “Please, Rob, listen to me. We’ll get it later.” “Get the van.” “No, Rob.” “Get the van.” “Uncle Jeff has it.” Silence. Thank you, God – and please remind me to use Uncle Jeff more!
I can’t talk him out of his anxiety. I can’t make him forget. I know they both need their routines to make sense of a world that doesn’t make sense most of the time. I don’t want to change the kids, but there are days when it drives me crazy. Moms aren’t supposed to admit that, but who cares? Everyone has days like that.
To help with his anxiety, I offer what I can. Ripping magazines and cardboard helps Rob calm down (deep pressure on his hands) and cutting clay (again, deep pressure) so I make sure to keep supplies on hand. He sleeps with so many blankets, it’s hard to find him at times, but the blankets offer pressure. Rob also takes medications to help relieve his anxiety.
He will also look for things to break to give him the deep pressure he wants. Pop can tabs are a favorite target, as are pencils to snap and paper clips to break. It’s my job to find appropriate things to give him the deep pressure he so desperately needs.
He has been going to aquatic therapy once a week and thoroughly enjoys that. He has a swing to relax in. He gets the tightest hugs I can give him. The list of what we’ve tried is long – chewy candy, gum, ankle or wrist weights to name a few. Every day, I try to think of something else. Luckily, everyone around us is thinking, too, and nothing is too silly to try.
Anxiety in autism is hard for our kids, but maybe even more for us. As parents, we want nothing more than to help our children be happy and it isn’t easy to admit we are out of ideas. Something important to remember (and I have to remind myself of this!) is that our kids are often super-sensitive to the moods of people around us. The more anxious we are to help their anxiety, the more anxious they may become.
As hard as it is, try to relax. Yes, your child will have hard days. But – you need to be ready to give the hugs or the pats on the head or whatever it is that your child craves from you. Relax and remember that the tough days always pass and easier ones come.
Smile and hug your family!
Jen
