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It's still hard for me to even type that title. Selfish is not supposed to be something we ever try to be. We tell our kids to always share, to be kind, to think of others. We don't want to be selfish. I watched a video of Mel Robbins yesterday. She was talking about caregiving and it reminded me of something my therapist told me many years ago. I have the right to be selfish. I have the right to think of what I need, too. I'm not very good at it, but I'm getting better and l

Last week, a strange thing happened. We had to have new assessments completed for Casey and Rob and a very nice lady came to the house to talk to them. Well, talk to Mandy and I, as Rob saw no reason to visit with her and Casey was more interested in her iPad. Casey did answer a few questions and absolutely made my week when the lady asked her if she was ever sad and Casey answered very emphatically that she was "happy!" That's huge for her as it was an open-ended question an

Yesterday, Casey, Rob and I decided to go shopping and have lunch. They love going to a city not far from us and have a definite routine every time we go. Autism is nothing if not predictable - or not, depending on the day. Rob always asks for Kohls, too, but never mentioned it yesterday. Maybe because he has 15 pairs of pants that are all the same in only three colors. And right now, he's decided that wearing gray pants is the only acceptable way to have a good day. (The oth

I need this reminder. I'm usually pretty good at looking for the bright spots every day, but the last few weeks, we have been so crazy busy with more fun coming that I felt like I was going from one thing to the next without really paying attention. Someone mentioned Casey's smile to me the other day. The woman asked if Casey was always happy (ahh...no!) because she always had such a beautiful smile when she saw her. I looked at Casey later and realized how happy she was to b

As many years as autism has been part of my life, you would think I would be used to tough questions. To reports that show just how much Casey and Rob are affected by their autism. And mostly, I am. When I got the mail one morning, I opened it to find Statement of Expert Evaluation at the top of the page. One for Casey. One for Rob. And I got a kick in the gut. I knew the letters were coming. Mandy was filing as a co-guardian for them and the probate court required the evalua

Most people wouldn't think a small, wooden, pink and purple birdhouse would cause anyone to fall into deep thoughts, but that's just what happened to me. Autism, you know - it's takes its own good time to show progress and hope, sometimes. I need that reminder so often! Rob brought the birdhouse home from his day program. Immediately, I thought, "Why?" Mandy laughed at me, but truly, I wanted to know why he had painted it. Because that birdhouse sat in my craft supplies for o

I was scrolling through Facebook a few days ago when a new post popped up by a local photographer, Dobbins Aerial Photography, who uses a drone to share new view points of things we see so often. I always enjoy his pictures and when I saw they were snow ones, I had to look. As soon as I saw this picture, it made me think of autism. Kyle graciously allowed me to use it with this blog. (If you haven't seen his work, you definitely need to take a look!) The picture looks so peac

Living with children with autism is a never-ending learning experience. The therapy that worked today may not work tomorrow and the shirt that could easily be worn tomorrow might be one that couldn’t even be touched last week. Parents are constantly on their toes for surprising new behaviors and we are always learning new things. Here are the top thirteen things I’ve learned over the last 34 years as an autism mom. 1. How to take out a toilet. Seriously, this is probably the

For the 5th time in just a few weeks, a parent told me that they never "discipline" their child with autism - that their life is hard enough without rules they need to follow. HUH?? What exactly does that mean? You read it right. There are parents (both of special needs and typical children!) that no longer believe in teaching their children manners or rules. They want to be the child's "friend" and too many rules will make that impossible. They believe no one else is pol

It's crazy that I've had this new site for almost a year and still haven't managed to get old posts moved. I'm working on it so don't be confused if you see Christmas posts or other things that seem odd. Autism, you know? And life in general. Last week, we were so lucky to be able to take another long trip to the Smoky Mountains with my parents, Mandy, Cory and Rosie. For ten amazing days, we did nothing but fun stuff with lots of sitting on the back deck of our cabin tossed

A few days ago, I saw a post about autism that asked people to understand that autism is not always about happy endings and smiling families. This made me think - I never want anyone who reads my posts to think that autism is all rainbows and unicorns at our house. We have bad days, too. Our bad days are nothing like they used to be, though. Casey had major behavior issues when she was little. I'm sure most of the problems were sensory related and some were because her ro

A few weeks ago, our county board of developmental disabilities held their prom. Casey and Rob look forward to all of the dances that are held, but the prom is special - at least to Casey. She loves the idea of dress shopping, getting her hair and make-up done and taking hundreds of pictures. She insists on posing the same way every year (and not just for prom pictures - I have many, many years of Easter, birthday and Christmas pictures that look suspiciously alike!) and wi

(This was originally posted 11/22. If anything, Rob's adoration of Rosie has continued to grow.) I haven't shared this, yet, but a month ago, we had a perfect little miracle join our family. We lost Raylan a year ago and on his birthday, his miracle baby sister was born. To say we feel blessed is an understatement. It was an instant love for all of us. Words can't describe the joy little Rosie has brought to us. And she showed again the big differences in the way Casey and Ro

First, please remember that your child is still the same person they were yesterday, before the diagnosis. They still love you. They still have their favorite foods. They still like the same shows. Nothing has really changed except your perception of your child. Autism is only a small part of them, like the color of their hair. Autism is not the total package. Now for the practical stuff. Buy a binder or a file folder and start keeping all of the paperwork you get from doctor

As parents, we worry all of the time about our kids. We worry about their health, their education, their friends. When you have a child with special needs, those worries don't necessarily increase, but they do change. But what if it's your grandchildren? The worries are doubled because you are thinking about your children and your grandchildren. In some families, grandparents know how to "fix" the child with autism. As scary as it sounds, the old-fashioned theory is that auti

Autism and the Freedom to be a Perfect You So many times, it seems parents are looking for a "cure" for their child's autism. Or parents are crying about how terrible their lives are with a special needs child. I'm not in any way denying life with autism is difficult at times, but typical kids can be rough to raise, too! It's all in your perspective - whether you are a glass half- full or half-empty, I guess. To me, life can always get worse. On bad days, I try to keep tellin

I'm sure you have heard the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child." This is even more true when you have a child with autism or any special need. Villages are hard to find when people are intimidated or scared of your child, of your life. Add to that the fact that trusting people around your child is so hard and families like ours often feel alone and isolated. I don't purposely limit our "village" but I also don't let people in easily. Casey and Rob (and Mandy and

If you have followed us for a while, you know the story, but I am often asked why I chose such an odd name for my blog and my book. I hope you are ready for a laugh! I had dreamed about writing a book for years, but never seemed to find the time. I had even kicked around titles, thinking that might inspire me to get started. I had no idea that a messy, anger-filled day would be the name I chose. Rob was 12 and we had just finished remodeling our dining room. I was downstairs

Casey has been singing since before she could talk. Some people may not understand that sentence, but it's true. She could sing entire songs after only hearing them once or twice when she was a toddler - way before she could ask for a drink or say "Hi Mommy." This is life with autism. She still loves music - all kinds of music. (Honestly, rap is the only type I've never heard her listen to and I think it's because she can't understand what is being said.) As she listens to he

Autism and the Amazing Little Steps Autism affects every part of our lives and, honestly, I don't always notice it. That's what happens when you live with something (times two!) for more than 30 years, I guess. But one thing autism has taught me is to always, always be excited about the little steps that others may not even notice! Yesterday - what an amazing day! Those of you who have been part of our journey know that Rob dislikes new clothes. Really, really doesn't like th