Autism and Dark Times

Earlier this year, Casey was struggling. I was seeing behaviors that I hadn't seen in 20 years and, I'm not ashamed to admit - I was scared. I didn't think I had the strength to go back to those days.

People that meet her now don't believe that she used to scream for hours most days. Sometimes, she would scream for more than 12 hours with just a few breaks to catch her breath. It seemed like a miracle to me when she stopped. We still heard screams here and there, but nothing too major.

Until this year. I have my suspicions about why, but the reality is, it didn't really matter. She needed help and she was asking for it in the only way she could. We are so lucky that we have an amazing neurologist who takes everything very seriously and doesn't believe in a "wait and see" approach, unless we both agree that's best.

One of her meds was increased, but, while she seemed a little better, she was still on edge. One look in her eyes and I knew she wasn't happy. She wasn't relaxed. She wasn't Casey. The sad thing is, this all happened so gradually that I didn't really notice until all hell broke loose. She was able to hold herself together during the day, but by the end of the day, when she was tired, the stress got to her.

I finally realized that it was a combination of her OCD and anxiety - isn't that a fun circle? The anxiety makes the OCD worse which triggers the anxiety which triggers the OCD and around and around we go. Once we figured that out and adjusted her OCD med, too, my Casey started coming back.

I saw the twinkle in her eyes again and she was ready to giggle. She wasn't hiding under a blanket most nights, but sitting on the porch and watching people. I am so thankful!!

But, I'm hearing so many stories from other parents who are in the "dark days" right now. So many things are going on and they don't know where to turn for their child. Extreme behaviors, school issues, health concerns... it's just all so overwhelming sometimes. I wish I could do something to help them.

The only advice I have is that dark days do go away. Sometimes, it takes a long time, but look at us! Please, don't give up, even when I know you want to. When you have just had it with everything and think nothing will ever get better.

It will.

Maybe not in the way you hope, but your dark times will get brighter. Yes, you will struggle. Yes, you will cry. Yes, you will be mad and frustrated.

Take a deep breath. Hug your child. Pray. Vent. Do whatever you need to do to keep fighting for your child.

I won't say it's easy. I won't say it'll be a quick fix. I'm saying you can do it. When no one else seems to have faith in you - I do. I've been there. You can do it. Keep your faith. Keep hoping.

If you would like to read more about our journey with autism, check out our book "Autism, Apples & Kool-Aid" available here.