Caregiving and the Need to be Selfish

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It's still hard for me to even type that title. Selfish is not supposed to be something we ever try to be. We tell our kids to always share, to be kind, to think of others. We don't want to be selfish. I watched a video of Mel Robbins yesterday. She was talking about caregiving and it reminded me of something my therapist told me many years ago.

I have the right to be selfish.

I have the right to think of what I need, too.

I'm not very good at it, but I'm getting better and learning ways to think of myself that don't make me feel guilty. (I really struggle with mom guilt!)

Before you blow off this blog, think about it.

You are a caregiver. You are "on call" 24/7. Whether you are taking care of kids or adults with autism or a spouse or parents - you are on call. Even if the person you care for doesn't live with you, they are always on your mind. Always trying to think of how to make their life better and wondering what the future holds.

You will burn out if you don't learn to be selfish. You absolutely have to think of things you enjoy doing and do them. Is it easy? No, not at all. But you have to take care of you before you can take care of everyone else. Just like when you get on a plane and you are told to put your oxygen mask on first. You are no good to anyone if you crash.

It's hard to get away, sometimes, so find ways to enjoy yourself at home. Leave the dishes, the dusting and the sweeping and just take a break. Read a book. Scroll through social media. Do a craft. Whatever you enjoy, do it.

Sit on your porch and breathe fresh air. Dance around the living room to 80s music. Take a bath. I recently bought a keyboard so I could relearn to play. (It's only been 20+ years - I definitely need to brush up on reading music!) It doesn't matter what you do, but you have to be selfish enough to admit to yourself you want and need to have fun. You just can't be selfless all the time.

I have learned over my 38+ years of being a caregiver that movement and nature are the quickest ways for me to feel more like me. Yoga, Pilates, dancing like a crazy lady, a walk or sitting on the porch. Walking barefoot through the yard feels amazing to me and I can almost feel the stress draining from my body. Only you can decide what works best for you - then do it.

Stop listening to people who say you are selfish for saying "no" sometimes. You need to set boundaries on your time. You can't be everything to everyone.

Be selfish and think of yourself, sometimes. I know it's not possible all the time - some things just have to be done. But, you need to think of you.

Come on - be selfish with me!