Autism is Predictably Unpredictable

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Yesterday, Casey, Rob and I decided to go shopping and have lunch. They love going to a city not far from us and have a definite routine every time we go. Autism is nothing if not predictable - or not, depending on the day. Rob always asks for Kohls, too, but never mentioned it yesterday. Maybe because he has 15 pairs of pants that are all the same in only three colors.

And right now, he's decided that wearing gray pants is the only acceptable way to have a good day. (The other pants are exactly the same feel - he's just stuck on gray!) The problem is, now he has decided that he will wear two different gray shirts and not just his usual red Coke ones. But the grays are different and don't really match. Some mornings, I tell myself to pick my battles - does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

But, other days, I think... Yes, it matters and ask him to wear black pants or his red shirt. He does and looks at me like I'm crazy, but I'm so used to that now that I barely register it.

Getting out the door that morning wasn't easy. Casey was slow and got slower when she realized he was ready and getting impatient. (Never believe that siblings with autism don't pick on each other!) By the time we left, she was giggling about something and my "mom gut" knew she was up to something, but Rob was waiting in the car and she was finally ready so we left.

She giggled for several miles. It was in our third store before I realized what was so funny.

I had told her she needed to wear tennis shoes, not her tie-dyed crocs. She had tennis shoes on - but they were her "river" shoes - the ones that are dirty and have holes in them! I threw them away last summer, but she must have saved them and kept them hidden in the closet until the perfect time to surprise me. HA! She just laughed and went on choosing her coloring books. She got me!

We were eating lunch when I started thinking about how a day like this wouldn't have been possible several years ago. Not to visit several stores and have both of them be patient and wait while the other looked. Not to sit in a restaurant and wait patiently for food (after reading the menu and choosing their meals - and even telling the waitress!) Rob even had to choose something else when they didn't have the fish sandwich he wanted and it was no big deal to him.

It was such a great time. But, as with autism so many times, it almost ended badly.

Some of Casey's Fun Pads got put into Rob's bag of cards. When we got home, I didn't notice them and handed him the bag. She never said anything until six hours later - and was not pleased when they were gone. I'm still not sure what happened to them - I assumed he ripped them up, but there were little books with markers in the bag, too, and those haven't been found.

After years of meltdowns, I know the look on Casey's face when she is ready to blow and that's just how she looked. I told her we could run to the Dollar Tree near us for more, but they didn't have any. The look on her face was not a good one. She picked out other coloring books but was fixated on the Fun Pads.

I told her we could order some, but it would take several days for them to be delivered. She stomped up the steps to her room and I heard things slamming in her room. Honestly, my whole body was tense, just waiting for the first screams. Anyone who has lived with the unpredictable meltdowns for years knows what I mean. I couldn't do anything but wait.

And I heard... giggles!! She was still stuck on the missing Fun Pads, but she was giggling about more color by numbers and a new box of crayons! I never dreamed she would be able to get herself off the edge like that and I'm so, so proud and excited! This is huge for Casey!

She hasn't mentioned the books, yet, today, and I'm so hoping she stays in her good mood! Fingers crossed.

Autism is just so predictably unpredictable, you know? Even the routines that we never think will change disappear in an instant. Huge steps forward can happen when you least expect it - never, ever give up hope!