Sometimes, You just Need to Cry

As many years as autism has been part of my life, you would think I would be used to tough questions. To reports that show just how much Casey and Rob are affected by their autism. And mostly, I am.

When I got the mail one morning, I opened it to find Statement of Expert Evaluation at the top of the page. One for Casey. One for Rob. And I got a kick in the gut.

I knew the letters were coming. Mandy was filing as a co-guardian for them and the probate court required the evaluations. I've been their guardian since each turned 18, but a new one had to be done.

I read them and cried.

There was nothing new in either evaluation. I knew they were coming. I knew what they would say. It didn't matter. I cried.

I live with them. I know where they struggle. I know when they need help. I know the things they can't do. But, for some reason, reading those papers brought on tears. Seeing it in writing is hard.

I can laugh about it now, but that morning, I did nothing but cry.

Here's my advice when autism gives you a kick. Cry if you need to. It will make you feel better. The tough questions and decisions won't stop as long as autism is part of your life.

Let yourself feel it. Then move on.

Crying won't change the love you have for your child. It just shows how much you love them and how devoted you are. It shows that you want the whole world to know just how amazing your kids are.

Cry and move on. The forms don't change anything.

I will always have the most amazing, most awesome kids. Autism and tough questions will never change that.